The Day We Blew Up The Universe
by demonprosecutor
Summary: Ema, Trucy, Phoenix and Apollo decide to blow up the universe. Guess what, it's crack. But not as crackish as I thought it would be. Anyway, enjoy!


DISCLAIMER: I don't own Ace Attorney

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Ace Attorney. Or tipex. Or plasticine. Or RVs. Or the universe. I wish I owned the universe…

WARNING: Crack. Lots of it.

Ema Skye sat in the crowded office, glaring at her computer. She had spent four hours – hours that should have been spent working – trying to scrub some tipex off the corner of the screen. She wouldn't have minded the tipex if it hadn't been that stupid Gavinners G. Stupid Gavin with his stupid tipex war. Luckily she got her own back by ruining his ponytail, covering it with tipex. Maybe tipex wasn't that bad after all.

"Hey, Ema!" said a voice from behind her, "We've just popped round to say hi! How are you? Also, Trucy wants to use your computer."

Ema swivelled round to see Mr. Wright, Trucy and Apollo, who was looking annoyed.

"I told them, detective," the red-clad attorney said, "I did tell them. But _no_! They still want to try to blow up the universe. No-one ever listens to me."

"Blowing up the universe, hey? That's quite a good idea," Ema said, much to Apollo's annoyance and Trucy's glee, which are the same thing. "Everyone will be going to lunch soon. We can try it while they're gone. I never go to lunch. I'm on a Gumshoe salary now."

Trucy and Apollo looked confused, having not heard of Gumshoe. Phoenix, on the other hand, knew all about Gumshoe's old salary and nodded sadly.

"Look on the bright side," he said, "Gumshoe's the chief detective now!"

"Yes," Ema sobbed, "But he still wears that stupid coat, doesn't he? I haven't got a chance! My future is one of pot noodles and stupid trench coats!"

The other detectives in the room just ignored her. Apparently, this sort of thing happened a lot. Soon the office was empty apart from Ema and her three visitors.

"OK," the detective said, "How do we intend to blow up the universe?"

"I was thinking we could divide zero by zero," Trucy suggested. The others voiced their agreements, apart from Apollo, who started banging his head against the wall.

"We have another hour before lunch is over. I say we spend the next hour building a universe-explosion-shelter and then blow up the universe at the end using an online calculator," Ema said.

"Good idea. Apollo, are you with us, or shall we just leave you to die when we blow up the universe?" Phoenix asked. All eyes turned to Apollo, who stopped banging his head against the wall, thought for a few moments, then reluctantly agreed to help them blow up the universe.

Apollo and Phoenix were sent out to find a suitable universe-explosion-shelter; Trucy was set the job of stocking up on supplies; Ema searched the internet for how to blow up the universe and live to tell the tale.

Trucy wandered the streets looking for a shop where she could get a month's worth of food for four people for ten dollars. Surprisingly, it was hard to find one.

"Fraulein! What's a pretty girl like you doing on your own? Where's your father?"

Trucy blushed as Klavier jogged over the street to her. She explained that she was trying to buy a month's worth of food for four people for ten dollars, but that she couldn't tell him why. Despite being confused, Klavier lent her some money.

"You'd better not be trying to blow up the universe," Klavier joked. Trucy looked at him deadly seriously. "Er…you're not trying to blow up the universe, ja?" Trucy told him that it was confidential and that he'd know when it had happened. Or he wouldn't.

"OK, Fraulein. Oh, and if you see Detective Skye, tell her that the power's going off at exactly one pm – I feel I should warn her. Last time she was yelling about the end of the universe. I still have a bruise from where the Snackoos hit me."

Soon the four of them were sitting in a semi circle around the computer. The supplies were packed into the plasticine-wrapped RV outside. Phoenix and Apollo had found the RV in a tip, and the How To Blow Up The Universe tutorial that Ema had found explained that to shelter something from a universe explosion, one must wrap it in plasticine. It was difficult to find so much plasticine, but now their multi-coloured universe-explosion-shelter was complete.

"You know, I swear there was something I was meant to tell you, Ema," Trucy said, "But I can't remember. Never mind."

The time was 12:59. Ema explained to the other three what the tutorial had told her. The first thing that would happen when the universe blew up was that the power would go off. Then, five minutes later, the universe would be gone. You had two minutes to secure your universe-explosion-shelter. By the end of a month, the shelter would have found its way to a parallel universe and it would be safe to leave.

Ema typed the equation into the online calculator. 0/0. everyone held there breath as she pressed the equals button…

1:00. Everything switched off. There was a moment of silence, then four screams as Trucy, Phoenix, Ema and even Apollo ran to the RV outside in utter terror. They only slowed down as they ran past the crowd of fangirls that Klavier was addressing.

"Ema! We can warn them and possibly save a few lives!" Trucy yelled.

"No! They're Gavinners fans! They _deserve_ to die!"

Soon they were safely inside the RV. Apollo was curled up and shaking in the corner. Trucy stared out of the window sadly, though she couldn't see a thing due to a thick layer of plasticine. Phoenix made four mugs of hot chocolate while Ema tried to work her mobile phone.

"I'm out of credit. Our only hope is if someone phones me in the next two minutes and happens to have universe-explosion-shelter in their garden. So everyone else is dead. All of our family and friends. Including Lana." She broke down in tears, until she realised that she didn't really like Lana that much and found her quite annoying. She immediately brightened up, realising she didn't have any other friends or family and that she was leaving behind no-one.

They spent the next hour sitting there, doing nothing. Apollo burst into tears after the five minutes was up, but apart from that, nothing happened for an hour. Until a tiny voice piped up.

"Daddy, where's the toilet?"

Which was a very good point. There had been six RVs in the tip. Apollo and Phoenix had picked the one _without_ a toilet on the account that it had pretty curtains. Apollo stood by this choice all the way, but Phoenix began to regret it as his daughter became red in the face while her Daddy tried to figure out what the hell to do. Suddenly…

"Huh? Is that Gavinners song a ringtone?" Apollo said, pausing his tipex-decoration of his bracelet. Ema glanced up from the autobiography she was writing, entitled, "The Scientist Who Blew Up The Universe."

"Yeah! That stupid song is _my_ ringtone. It tells me when that glimmerous fop is calling me – which is way too often. It's all, 'Why aren't you at work?' and 'What have you done with my credit card' "

"Ema, you have to answer that phone!" Phoenix said, "This means that he's not dead!"

Ema snatched up the phone angrily.

"_Yeah?__ Why aren't you dead?"_

"_No need to be hostile. You're the one who's an hour late for this meeting. Where are you?"_

"_By now I could be in a parallel universe. But seriously, why aren't you dead? We blew up the universe, you should have gone with it."_

"_Fraulein Detective, what _are_ you talking about? Oh, did Trucy get that message to you, by the way?"_

"_What message."_

"_The one about the power going off at one pm. I just didn't want you to freak out like last time."_

"_...She is so dead."_

Spark Brushel smiled as he read the newspaper the next morning. Apart from the article in the corner about the girl who was put in hospital after being Snackoo'd, the whole front page was filled with his article about the four idiots who tried to blow up the universe. The headline: "It Was Worth A Try: End Quote."


End file.
